I'm a little bit sad because The Guy is going back to the USA next Monday. Even worse: I won't see him again before he leaves. He wanted to come today, but he has to finish something, and unfortunately he can't make it. On Saturday he has to go to Paris for two days and he's invited me to go with him. I could get a flight to Paris and back for 90 Euro (113 Dollar). But I'm fucking broke and I don't know if I can afford the trip, and if I should go to Paris to see him for just two days or not. And because I'm broke I can't fly to the USA this year. I won't see him in a long time.
I guess I have to go to Paris, otherwise I would hate myself. Damn, why can't we live in the same town... Or why can't I have at least enough money to visit him more often.
I'm gonna pull my skirt over my head now and cry...
Well, a fantastic weekend is over. Unfortunately. I wrote the last post on my PDA in the sun. What I saw during writing it is in the left bottom picture. Well, I promised some pictures of the trip, so here they are, but I'm not a good photographer. But you have to believe me: it's much prettier than in my crappy pictures. And I can't use many of the pictures I took, because most of them are showing the hot guy, and I don't want to put up his pictures here because he doesn't even know I have this blog, and the pictures he took show me ... And well, I look very dorky.
Ok, I'm gonna tell you what happened after my last post. After I ordered the ice cream the guy came back and we had some Rivella together. Rivella is a very delicious and healthy soda in Switzerland. And then we had a cheese cake for dinner, but a Swiss cheese cake, with real spicy cheese. It's more like Pizza. Very yummy, by the way.
Then there was another thunderstorm and we had to get back to the valley. There are no cars up there and the only way to get up is by a cable car or walking. The cable car is not like the cable car in San Francisco, it's hanging in the air, and of course swinging in the wind. It was quite dangerous because it swang too much to go past the posts. And standing in a car which swings high in the air feels really weird. It was a very slow ride down to the valley. Back in the "real world" we realized how thick the air in the valley is. The air up in the mountains is very different, but so clean, fresh, thin and healthy.
Not really healthy is the sunburn I got on my neck and my calves. I used sunscreen but there are some parts I didn't think about. And hey, don't call me "red neck"...
Then we went back to our car and drove a nice road around some beautiful lakes, and then back to Basel, where we had a second dinner, and maybe the last night together in a long time. Maybe he's coming to Stuttgart on Wednesday, and I hope he can make it, otherwise I won't see him in the next months, which really makes me sad. He's just perfect. Well, enough of my whining...
Ok, now I'm back again, I'm catching up on your blogs.
It's Sunday afternoon, I'm sitting on a bench at the top of the Rigi-Scheidegg. Just one yard ahead is a huge precipice. It's very steep and I'm more than 4.000 ft above the tiny houses in the valley. It's a different world up here. There's no rush, no stress, no sorrows. Only cows, their bells are ringing, and you can hear the compositions these heards are playing from different meadows from every direction. The sun is shining, but because we're up high, it isn't too hot. The guy is on a hike, but I'm too tired, I'm enjoying the scenic view, the sun, the lovely breeze--and soon some ice cream and a coffee, where the guy is going to join me after his return. It's just perfect.
And perfect was our Saturday as well. We woke up at 9am, we had a delicious breakfast, and then we went for a long hike. We did the same hike last year, but last year I was exhausted when we arrived at the destination, and I had to take an expensive train and a cable car back to the top of the Scheidegg where we stayed. But this year we took an even steeper path AND I walked back again. I'm sooo proud. And it was just a very beautiful day, we stopped at some farmers who offered fresh milk (fresh from the happy cows who spend their lives in the paradise) and delicious cheese they made theirselves--and of course home-made bread. It was amazing. And we always had a picture postcard view, every single second. It's unbelieveable but true. We slept on a meadow before we started to walk back. The way back was strenuous, and after about the half of the way I ran out of energy. The way didn't care and still went up and up and up. We arrived back at the Rigi-Scheidegg at the restaurant where we wanted to have dinner, and we also watched the soccer game Germany vs Sweden. After a delicious dinner we've decided to walk back to our hotel. It's another 20 minute walk steep up. I was still completely exhausted, and to make things worse, a bad thunderstorm with heavy rain and strong wind started. The guy--who's very fit and not exhausted at all, but unfortunately already got a cold and fever--and I only wore shorts and T-shirts because the rest of the day was sun and sun and sun. I didn't want him to get sicker, but I wasn't able to walk fast, so I told him to leave me behind and go to the hotel as fast as possible.
I was already soaking wet and tired like hell, my heart hurt, and I was in the middle of a thunderstorm. I decided to rather get struck by lightning than suffer a heart attack. Then suddenly the guy came back. He fetched an umbrella and helped me to get home. This was very nice of him, and on one hand I really appreciated it, but on the other hand he was sick and supposed to stay in the dry and warm room. But he's such a nice guy and I'm more than happy when he's around.
After we arrived at the hotel again we both took a hot shower and put on dry and warm clothes, and because we were still cold, we went to bed and cuddeled and talked for hours. It was just another perfect day.
And so was Friday. I drove to Basel to pick up the guy. Since we both know that it's cold up there (two weeks ago there still was snow up here), he asked me to bring a warm jacket for him. I forgot his jacket, and mine as well. All we have are T-shirts. But he decided to take at least his own lighter jacket, and he put his wallet and all the other important things in this jacked. Then my mom called, I forgot to put her laptop out of her car before I took it, and she needed it. But she said that I don't need to bring it back to her. So up we went and hit the road to the Rigi. When we arrived the guy realized that he forgot his jacked with his wallet. I didn't carry enough cash for both of us. I had my credit card with me, but we were not sure if a farmer in the middle of nowhere who doesn't even own a TV would accept Visa. So we took the cable car up and hoped Visa is ok with them. In the cable car we've realized that we hadn't bought a parking ticket for the car. But although we forgot all important things, it was a beautiful trip. I think I'm gonna post some pictures soon.
* Footnote: "Grüezi" means "good morning", "good afternoon" and "good evening". And up in the mountains you need to say "Grüezi" to everybody who comes your way. And if it's a group of people you add "mitanand", which means "to all of you". Strange, isn't it?
Well, not really 50, not even five, more or less three, maybe just two.
1st way: A very good friend told me that in some eastern European countries, where people are very polite and hospitable, the families invite many people and also strangers to their homes. When they serve coffee to evereybody and there's someone they don't really like, he'll get a cold coffee. So everybody will have a coffee, and nobody else will notice that one is cold and one person is not really welcome, and after drinking the coffee the persona non grata can just make up an excuse why he has to leave.
2nd way: A few years ago my X and I were at the beach in New York. We met a nice girl and talked to her a lot. She talked to us because she saw we were a gay couple and she thought that's kinda cute. The night came, and I got cold. I said: "It's cold". Suddenly she was pissed and said: "Well, good bye!" I was confused. She explained that "it's cold" means "I'm bored, you're an ashle, I can't stand it any longer". I said: "Well, in Germany this just means 'I'm cold'". We both laughed and it was ok.
3rd way? Yesterday I was commenting on one of the blogs I really love. I don't comment much because I only do that if I think what I can add is important. Many more posted a comment after mine. The owner replied to each and every comment--except mine. I guess that's the virtual cold coffee. Well, I think I got the message, I'm gonna sip it and stop commenting on that blog.
P.S. When that friend told me about the cold coffee thingy, I was wondering how it would feel if I got the cold coffee. I think now I know.
Today I booked a room for us on the top of the Rigi, a very scenic mountain in the center of Switzerland for the coming weekend. We've also been there last year and it was just beautiful. Some of the pictures above were taken at our last trip, some were taken from the official homepage.
My parents' best friends had their own house on that mountain and I've been there many, many times before. I kind of grew up on that mountain. We spent almost all our holidays up there, and also many long weekends. Most often together with these friends. They're having a daugther who is just 4 days older than me, and we also lived in the same village back then.
I remember we played a lot in the forests of that mountain. It's a very quiet place. There are no cars allowed up there, there were just 15 houses widely seperated on the whole mountain, there aren't real streets either, and in the winter sometimes it had snow more than 10 ft high. It was just a perfect place to play outside. When I think back it was so beautiful and so unworried.
These friends of my parents bought a house in Spain a few years ago and unfortunately sold their house on the Rigi. So I wasn't there for about 10 years. But the guy from New York wanted to go on a mountain, and I wanted to see that place again, so last year we decided to go up there. For me it was like coming home. All the nice memories came back. And he had much fun up there as well, because it's really beautiful and we had terrific hikes up there.
Speaking of fun, walls in that mountain hotel are very thin, as we figured out in the morning when we entered the breakfast room. Well, there were some knowing smiles at us ...
The weekend before last the Guy and me had lunch with my Mom, and she showed him many pictures of our trips to the Rigi and also some pictures of me aged 1 to 16. She wasn't supposed to do so. By the way, when I was 14 or 15 I looked really dorky. These are exactly the pictures you want to show to the guy you're having feelings for.
Anyway, we're gonna be up there next weekend and I'm looking forward beeing together with him again.
What's wrong with this world? When I browse through my blogroll, it seams like everybody has some problems right now. One lost his job, another one has been suspended for a few weeks, the next got sick, the other one was dumped by his boyfriend, the next doesn't want to blog anymore, another one just vanished, one is upset, one doesn't feel like blogging anymore, one ... you get the idea.
Well, why should I be happier? You know, there is that guy who I probably like way too much and we can only meet up on weekends. I like him so much I can't tell. He's just perfect. However, this weekend we're not gonna meet up. He has to finish some work, and I have to work much myself. As a replacement for this weekend we're gonna meet up some additional days by the end of the month. Actually this is a very sane and suitable solution for the situation. But somehow I'm a little disappointed. I can't tell exactly why. My brain says that everything is ok, but my heart feels rejected anyway.
Then I was hoping to see Jim again and we tried to set up a meeting. I was hoping to meet him on Thursday or Friday, but there was no time. Today we wanted to have a picnic together, I was excited and very happy, but suddenly I became very sad, nervous, and I freaked out. I cried and cancelled the date. I'm still not sure what had happened, why my mood went bad in a heartbeat. Am I afraid of cheating on the other guy by just having a picnic with Jim? I don't think so, because I don't even have a relationship with that other guy. Was I afraid that I kinda 'use' Jim in defiance of not having a chance to meet the other guy this weekend? I don't know.
Now I'm sitting at home. Feeling bad that I disappointed Jim. And feeling bad that I don't know what's going on wth me. Maybe I should become a monk and move to a cloister and be in celibate. This would make many things so easy.
Anyway, enough of my weeping, I don't want to bring you down as well. Have a nice weekend everyone.
In my next radio show on Sunday night I want to talk a little bit about gay culture and play gay music of the 60ies, 70ies and 80ies. There's definately some Village People, Queen, Gloria Gaynor, Erasure, Barbra Streisand and stuff like that. Since my disco time started in the 90ies, I'm not really an expert in that area.
Do you have any hints for me? What was typically gay in those years? What were our hymns? How was a Saturday night back then? Was there any gay lifestyle?
Two weekends, two movies, many swiss francs and an awesome time
First of all I'm sorry for not posting much during the last days. But you all know I have a visitor from America, he's the most handsome guy, and he's so much fun to hang around with. First weekend in June was Pentecost and Monday was a work-free holiday as well. He's working in Basel, a city in Switzerland about 3 hours away of Stuttgart, so we're only meeting up on weekends.
I drove down on Friday evening, he prepared a delicious dinner for us and we talked a lot. When he opened the door I was surprised again. He is so handsome, cuter than every guy in my dreams. Every time I'm meeting him I'm surprised how handsome he is. And I like talking to him so much, it couldn't be better. Then we went up to the bedroom, and the rest of the evening is a big secret, my heterosexual readers might be scared. :-)
On Saturday we cuddeled a lot in the morning, ran some expensive arrands and after that we had a long walk in the city and along the river. We had a ridiculously expensive dinner, a coffee at Starbucks, and then we went to see a movie in an expensive cinema in the late evening. That city is soooo expensive, but well, it's a foreign currency, you don't really realize it.
On Sunday we drove to the center of this little expensive country and went hiking in the mountains. Later we had an expensive hot chocolate and a little walk in Lucerne. When we arrived at home I prepared dinner, we were both very hungry ... and tired.
On Monday we went to the Tinguely Museum, after the museum had closed, we had another nice walk through the city, an inexpensive and very delicious dinner in an Italian restaurant, another movie in another expensive cinema, and a very nice walk in the warm air of the night.
On Tuesday morning I drove back to Germany, and I was sad. I'm so into that guy, maybe too much, but I can't change it. He's just perfect.
Last weekend he took the train to visit me in Stuttgart, he arrived late in the night on Friday, and I was so happy he came.
On Saturday we had a big breakfast, I showed him my a iron ore mine and the castle in the city where I grew up. Later we drove to Stuttgart, and after a great dinner and some ice cream we went to a gay club and stayed in the outdoor area. Stuttgart was very busy that night, since Stuttgart is one of the battlefields of FIFA World Cup. People of all nations were dancing and partying on the streets, it was awesome and so peaceful and happy.
On Sunday my Mom prepared a delicious lunch and we ate together, after that we spent the rest of the day in my Mom's garden. Very relaxing. In the night I brought him back to the station, and when he entered the train I started to miss him immediately.
We're gonna have three more weekends before he has to go back to New York. I afraid I won't see him again this year. "When you're gone, how can I even try to go on ...". He want's me to move in with him, and there's nothing I want more, but I still can't leave. Keep your fingers crossed. Please.
My readers know that I write articles for a magazine. Well, that's not the full truth. I'm not only writing articles, I'm also running the website with daily news and a big event calendar, I manage the subscriptions, I manage the shipping, I answer the phone, email and the snail mail. I chair the editorial staff meetings, I correct the articles and decide what to print.
My former friends Timo (layout, advert acquisition, articles) and Markus (accounting) and I managed the whole thing. And there were about 10 other people writing articles for the magazine. What kind of magazine is that, you may ask. Well, it's a state-wide gay glossy magazine, in this post are some of the latest covers. It has been founded before I was born. It's about 30 years old, it started as a gay community informational letter and consisted of copies of typewrited sheets, now it's a huge color glossy magazine. It's always been produced and published by a unsaleried staff. It's loved in the gay community. For many people it is the source of gay information. Before there was the internet it was the only source for many. I still remember when I read it for the first time. I just came out and it was a precious help for me in those days. Some years after that I joined the staff because I thought it's a great thing.
The troubles with my former friends and other problems led to an awful thing: The staff decided this Wednesday that we can't continue like that. There's not gonna be another issue. The magazine is dead. It really hurts and I don't agree with the decision, but Markus quits and nobody else has enough money on the side to do it. Our readers don't even know yet. It's still a secret, but since it makes me sooo sad, I have to write about it here.
Sad. Sad. Sad. The end of an era.
I need to write a new profile text to put below my face pic. I've deleted "I'm writing articles for a magazine" this morning, and "I love NYC, I want to move there ASAP" couple days ago. Seems like my life is really changing. But to be honest, I still want to move to NYC, but I thought life's gonna be easier there, now I've realized that life will be more difficult instead.
This month is pride month. At least in the USA. In Germany we postponed it till August because of this thing. Anyway, I'm proud every day of the year, so I just want to say it now and join Kelly's challenge, who shot the picture:
I'm so fucking proud to be gay!
Exactly 10 years ago, I had just finished highschool, I finally realized that I'm gay, and I came out to my friends and family. And also in my job or in college it's never been a secret. I'm proud of all my friends and relatives who support me, and I'm proud I didn't make any bad experiences since.
I like rainbow flags whereever I see them. I (often) like the gay community and all the parties and parades, and I'm proud to be a part of it. I'm proud I don't have to hide my feelings and that I can hug the ones I love in public. I'm proud to be different, I'm proud to be gay.
Footnote:Klaus Wowereit, mayor of Germany's capital city Berlin, came out to the public in a speech and coined the now famous German phrase "Ich bin schwul - und das ist gut so!" (literally: "I am gay, and that's a good thing"; a more correct translation would be: "I am Gay, and that's ok").
32 year old gay computer science guy who's in love with New York City, and has the desire to relocate. In his free time he does magic tricks, manages a gay newspaper and hosts a radio show.
