A Blast From The Past V: First Love And An Iron Ore Mine

Sequel to: High School

In 1993 I met Cori in high school. She worked as a tourist guide in an old iron ore mine in my village. We talked a lot, I helped her in computer science classes, and I also went to the iron ore mine with her and started to work as tourist guide myself. I knew that Tim was also working there. I met Tim during summer break, we had spent a week together in a summer camp. Not that I loved Tim, I don't think I did--but I liked him a lot, I loved spending time with him, and I admired him.

Another guy from the summer camp started to work at the mine as well: Andre. Rumor had it that he's gay. I wasn't out when I heard that. It was so strange, I've always wanted to talk to him about me beeing gay, but I didn't even dare to tell him. I wasn't even sure if I were. I asked him some stupid questions and hoped he figures it out himself.

I had a nice time with all that fellow tourist guides. We had a lot of fun in our breaks. There was a kiosk with restaurant as well. Anja was the owner and we became very close friends. I was there all the time. I helped her in the kitchen, I sold tickets, and we had nice long hikes in the forest. We spent so much time together. It was awesome! I spent my mornings in high school and visited her in the afternoon. And we're still friends today.

Then, next season, many new tourist guides came. One of them was Christian. He was a cutie. He had blond hair, blue eyes, and an adoreable smile. He was smart, nice and ... I fell in love for the first time in my life. But nobody knew that I'm gay--including me.

Andre, Christian and me sat at a table in a restaurant and we were talking. When Christian went to the bathroom, Andre said to me: "Christian is very hot!". I heard a click in my head. Suddenly all made sense: I am really gay, and I love Christian. This was the moment I realized all that. And I said: "Yes, he is". It was the very first time I was really sure about that and that I said something that could give me away. I was hoping that Andre asks me if I were gay. But Christian came back and Andre didn't say anything else. But I was somehow relieved. Finally I really knew why I felt like being different. And I was worried. I thought Andre and I were the only gay guys younger than 60. I was afraid of telling my parents, my friends. How may they react? Will they all hate me? Will they think I'm a pervert?

About 4 months later, a group of visitors came to the mine and it would have been my turn. But I was too lazy, so Christian guided them. He got a big tip and he was very happy. He said: "I'm so happy. I could hug you for letting me guide them!". I said: "Ok, do it". I didn't expect him to do it, but he hugged me, long and fondly. My legs had turned to jelly. I heard my blood rush, my heart was beating like a drum. I don't know how long it took. It felt like eternity. The door opened and a fellow guide entered the room. Saw us, and laughed out loud. Don't forget: I wasn't out and Christian had no clue I was totally in love with him.

During winter break I came out to some friends. For example Anja, she supported me and was an important friend. And I also came out to my mom. It was no problem at all. She's very supportive and proud of me. Actually she's the best mom one can have.

New season, new fellow guides. One was Denise. I liked her, she thought I wanted to hit on her, so I told her that I'm gay. She laughed her ass off and made fun of me. She called me in the evening, she said she's sorry. She invited me to her place for lunch the next day. After a strange start we became close friends. She called me "her brother". She told her mom that I'm gay. Her mother said: "Well, every girl should have a gay best friend". Her mother and her family called me "her brother" as well.

She was into Christian's best friend, I loved Christian. We organized many parties and invited them both so we had a reason to spent time with them. On my birthday she asked me if I would hate her when she starts hitting on Christian as well. She found out she likes him better than his best friend. We couldn't tell if Christian's gay or straight. So it was an open competition.

Denise and I invited Christian for dinner, movies and sleep-over at my place. We all slept in sleeping bags in the living room. Christian opened his sleeping bag and said to me: "If you're cold, you can join me in my bag." There wasn't anything in this world I wanted more. But he didn't know I'm gay and in love. I didn't dare and said: "Thanks, I'm fine."

Unfortunately she won the competition. He's straight. They were a couple for about two years. He called me "brother in law". And she told Christian I loved him. He was cool. He said it's like a big compliment.

Some people I want to thank:
Anja: First of all, you helped me get a life. You helped me find myself. And after more than 12 years you're still an important part of my life. We don't meet often since we both have moved, but I think of you a lot.

Andre: You opened my eyes, you've been like an idol those days.

Denise: I never had a sister--before I met you. And I had so much fun with you.

Cori: Your the only person in this story I'm still in touch with, nearly every day.

Christian: You've been my first love, it took months to get over you. Although I'm hoping you will never read this entry, I want to thank you as well. You're a great fellow. I was so happy you didn't freak out when you figured out that I loved you. You've always been very nice to me. Today I'm relieved you're straight, and I can keep all the nice memories of my first love.

To be continued ...