A Blast From The Past I: The Early Years

Inspired by a friend's blog I'm starting to tell you something about my past. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to write all that stuff in English. My English sucks, it's more difficult for me to write, I make many mistakes--and still, it's a good training. So I keep on writing in English. I'm not even sure if it's a good idea to write it down at all. And still ... is anybody interested in that stuff? Should it remain private?

I grew up in a very small village. I knew everybody and everybody knew me. There wasn't a wide range of possible buddies. There were only about 20 people around my age and you had to get along with everybody. I guess I was about 12 or 13 years old when I realized that some things had changed: girls only played with girls and boys played with boys; and my (male) buddies were interested in naked women. Some had older brothers and got magazines from them, and they all gathered behind the gym and stared at the women. I thought it's very boring. Why should someone be interested in naked women? Sex was a topic they talked about a lot, although nobody had a clue. They were all blowhards. They started to smoke, drink beer, watch that magazines and be cool. I didn't drink alkohol, I've never smoked or watched naked women in magazins--I was different. Bottom line: I wasn't cool in their eyes.

I had a very close friend, Matze--my best friend in those days. He had just moved to our fascinating town village. He was a great fellow and we got along pretty well. He was very cool, he was adored by everybody, and his splendor reflected on me--I was considered to be a cool guy as well. He slept over regularly, he also joined me and my parents on vacation. Actually he really was like a brother. Unfortunately he had to redo a class, he moved away, we haven't talked ever since. I felt alone again, and not cool.

And I didn't get along with my classmates after Matze had left either. I was different, I wasn't interested in girls, soccer, fighting, smoking or drinking. They must have been feeling that I'm different. They gave me a hard time. There were two boys who weren't that bad. One of them became a friend for a few years. Now I know they're both gay as hell well.

To be continued ...